New Love in 2022 –  How do you know you are ready?

New Love in 2022 –  How do you know you are ready?

In the UK divorce lawyer and family mediation services are at the busiest time in the new year.  The period immediately after the Christmas and new year holidays see a step in create and relationship breakdowns.   If you are unlucky to be one of the people whose relationship did not survive the festive season.   How do you proceed with your life in the months following a breakup? 

Go Slowly

You would really want to take your time and avoid the urge to rush into a new relationship. Instead, go slowly. Some experts even suggest a waiting period of about a month before jumping into a relationship after ending one.

Answer vital questions about your love life

Before you go into a new relationship after a breakup, you would almost certainly want to answer some questions: question about the relationship that just ended, question about your part in the relationship, question about your choice in a partner and other similar questions.

1. Questions about the relationship that has just ended

Often, the relationships that ended have in them some lessons and experiences that can help an individual in forming a better relationship. The suggestion is you look into the relationship that has just ended for learning about yourself and what might help you become a better partner or what might help you choose a partner. Know what you did well and what you could have done better . 

Below are some of the questions you would want to ask yourself:

  • What do I think was the reason my last relationship did not work?
  • Would my partner give the same reason or what would he/she say was the reason?
  • How do I feel about my former partner? 
  • How  intense are my feelings, both positive and negative?
  • Is this relationship truly over or is there unfinished business with that partner?
  • Am I still grieving the lost relationship or  am I well over it?

2. Questions about your part in the past relationships

Relationships do not just end because of one person. The relationship that didn’t work was almost certainly not because of bad choices and actions of one person, part of the reason things went awry is connected to the interaction between you and your partner. Understanding your parts, both positive contributions and the parts that needed change might help you become a better partner in your next relationship.

  • Do I sabotage myself in relationships?
  • What have I learned that I have done well in relationships?
  • Have I got any advice that might give me information about how to be a better partner in a relationship?
  • What have I learned in my past relationships that I need to do differently in my new relationship?

3. Clarity of choices in a partner

Some people often make choices that are familiar and feel comfortable and as a result make the same mistakes over and over again. Healthy choices significantly increase the possibility of having a good relationship while negative ones leave a door open for problems to crawl into a relationship at some point.

I suggest you ask yourself these questions about your choice in partners. 

  • Am I looking to find something in someone else that I don’t have in myself?
  • What have I learned about the choices that I make in partners?
  • Do I know that I cannot change another person?
  • Have I clearly identified what characteristics my partner should possess?
  • Have I clearly identified what qualities and values are important to me in a partner?
  • Am I more concerned about whether or not the other person is right for me than if I am right for them?
  • Am I making the same mistakes over and over again when making a choice? (Do I often choose partners that are abusive? Disrespectful? Distant? Have difficulty with affection? etc.)

4. Ask yourself if you are truly ready for a new relationship

You must be a whole and healthy person to be part of a healthy relationship. Before entering a new relationship, it is important that you are comfortable with yourself and confident when you are on your own. That is just as important as having a companion and a witness to your life. You would want to assess your readiness for a new relationship and the list of questions below will help you.

  • Do I feel strongly about myself ?
  • Do I get my sense of self from my partner?
  • Do I know what I want to get out of a committed relationship? Is it just for fun?
  • Do I have any behaviors that are out of control?
  • Do I know how to be an emotionally intelligent partner?
  • Do I have other things going on in my life that are fulfilling and rewarding or do I spend my life around my dating partner?
  • Is there anything that I am avoiding or afraid of?
  • Do I know how to be open and direct about my needs with someone I am dating?
  • Do I understand the basics of an emotionally intelligent relationship?
  • Do I have other intimate (non-sexual) relationships?

You won’t figure out everything about yourself and others in relationships, no one ever does. However, by becoming clear about what you want and need in a relationship, you are more likely to find someone that can be healthy, whole and a good fit for you. The more you are able to understand and assess yourself and your partner, the more likely you are to become a better person and find yourself in an emotionally intelligent and loving relationship. 

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