How to deal with the in-laws

How to deal with the in-laws

If you plan on having a long relationship with your partner, then you are going to have to find a way to get along with their parents and siblings. It is a very common problem for married couples and even couples who aren’t married to not hit it off with their relatives. Now this could be for a host of different reasons, you may find that they are snobbish and condescending, they might feel like you aren’t good enough for their baby, whatever the reason, neither of you are going anywhere anytime fast, so in order to make weddings, Christmases and birthdays more comfortable we’ve got some handy tips that will help you to get along better with your in-laws:

Don’t make your partner choose:

Don’t ever put your partner in a situation where he has to choose between you and his family, because, your in laws are an extremely important part of your spouse’s life and therefore they are an important part of your life.  Saying that it is important for your partner to know that when they get married and start a family their priority is the new family they have started and they should never allow that to be disrespected, it is your partners responsibility to stick up for you and not allow his or her family to disrespect you.

Set boundaries

Every man has another women in his life apart from his wife, and that other women is his mother, but don’t let your man take it too far and say things like, “my mother does it this way”, or” my mother doesn’t think that’s right”. When he says things like this simply tell him that if he wants it done his mother’s way, he should go and live with her.

Respect

Even if your in-laws don’t deserve it always show them respect, don’t feel stupid, apart from the fact that you are being the bigger person, you are not allowing yourself you get dragged into arguments, don’t respond to petty jibes or insults. It is your partners responsibility to resolve the issues between you and you in-laws, if you remain calm, polite and respectful regardless of the painful thing your in-law says, it will make it easier for your partner to fight your corner and show that you are obviously not the problem, on the other side of the spectrum this doesn’t mean you should be a doormat, choose your battles, if your in-law says something that is out of order stand your ground and your partner should definitely back you up

Make an effort to build a relationship

We are not suggesting that you become best friends, but you can certainly make an effort to get to know your problem in-law more by spending some one-to-one time with them. You can start by going round for a cup of tea and a little chat, going shopping or taking your children swimming together. Take baby steps to begin with and in time your relationship will grow stronger. You might actually realise that you have some things in common

Never let your in laws see you moody or upset, even when they are being purposely stand offish and rude. It gives them he satisfaction that they are getting to you, or it make it obvious that you can’t stand being around them. Force yourself to be pleasant and this may sound like a contradiction but try as hard to make it seem natural. You need to always come across like a nice loving in-law who genuinely wants to get on with your other half’s side of the family because you are.

Code word: Have a code word that you and your partner use when the atmosphere is getting too heavy or the tension is getting too much. Use this code word when you are at you in laws place to let your partner know that you have stayed for a sufficient amount of time and you would now like to leave.

You can’t choose your partners family and unfortunately they comes as a package, you just have to make the most out of the situation and try to turn it around in your favour.

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How can I get of my fear of commitment?

How can I get of my fear of commitment?

Are you in love with someone but afraid to fully commit in fear that everything will go horribly wrong? Have you been heart-broken by somebody you loved and trusted? Do you shut your feelings off at a certain point to prevent yourself from falling too hard? Have you vowed to never trust anyone or let anyone too close to you?

Well if your answer was yes to any of these questions you may very well have commitment issues? This could stop you from progressing in life and enjoying a beautiful and meaningful relationship.

Here is a guide of how you can combat your fear of commitment.

The first thing you need to do is seek professional help from a trained councillor or therapist, an unbiased person who you can TRUST to listen to you without passing judgment, someone who can help you delve into your past. A lot of people with commitment issues have had some sort of problematic relationship with their parents, siblings, and friends or in their marriages

Look around, you will not get over your fear of commitment for just anyone, some people find that when they find the right person, all their commitment fears just naturally dissipate. Find the right person who you could see yourself settling down with.

 

Your fear of commitment may be to do with your fear of getting hurt, living a life with no companion, no love is much worse than one that is filled with love AND hurt. It is normal, human behavior to feel love and pain, and denying yourself these feelings because you are scared is a form of self-mutilationv.

 

Make sure that when you start dating you make it clear that you want to take things slowly, if you are a man this may mean no talk of future or marriage and kids until you are ready. If you are a girl this may mean the same thing or not moving in together too soon.

 

Take a long look at your past relationships with people you really cared about. When you sabotage relationships with others to avoid getting too attached, you are lying to yourself. Instead of acting in a way that will ruin every relationship you are in, talk about your fear of commitment in order to get over it.

Take baby steps, a fear of commitment is also a fear of making promises that you feel you may not be able to deliver on. Begin with small promises, like being home or at dinner at a certain time. Then, you can move onto larger promises that carry more weight.

 

Once you have conquered your fear of commitment and realised that getting hurt is sometimes a part of life and a human emotion that everyone has to go through, you will feel empowered and more open to committing to your partner.

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